Wednesday, April 1, 2015

losing the wait.

alright, it's time for me to be honest. I have struggled with my body image for the majority of my life; but what girl hasn't?

i've always found it hard to strike the balance between too-skinny and screw-it-i'll-eat-whatever-the-eff-Iwant. Sadly, that's how my personality is: all or nothing. I get fixated and focussed on an extreme and, being really self-motivated to prove myself right and others wrong, I go waaaay beyond the goal I set. Or I give up because of my self-doubt; I binge on Netflix and self-loathing, and top it off with a tub of Nutella. I'll admit it: it's not very healthy.

luckily, i know this part of my personality. Kinda like the whole acceptance part of the 5 Stages of Grief, except without the denial, sad, angry part before hand. I know that finding balance is a hard thing to attain, and it's also one that can be hard to maintain once you do stumble upon it. But I'm reworking my thinking.

i'm losing the wait.

I'm dropping the inner 'wait' monologue. I'm abandoning my self doubt. I'm finished battling the 'wait, can I do this?'. I'm finished asking myself 'wait, is this worth it?' I'm finished with, 'wait, am I even worth it?.'  I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.

i'm losing the wait.

so this is me walking away. I'm turning my back on doubting who I am, what I'm capable of, and where I'm going in life. I'm losing the wait. The world, but more importantly the internet (we're being honest here, right?), is a huge place that is filled with the inspiration and the support we all need to lose our own wait. Sure, for me this is coming from a place of physical health but it can be mental too. How you mentally see yourself losing your own wait is just as important as physically abandoning it.

i'm committing myself to a new journey; a journey where, day by day and step by step, I'll lose my wait and gain good, wholesome health, physically and mentally. It will be hard some days, and will take plenty of time. All-in-all, though, it'll be worth the wait.

spread the vibes, butterflies.



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