lupus and ABP

hi everyone!

i hope you're enjoying my favorite season of all: fall! There are few things I love more than crisp air, those October-blue skies, and the sudden burst of flame-colored leaves falling to the ground.

in all the autumnal glory, i thought i'd give an update. Back in February, I shared with you all (the few people who actually read this blog) that I have rheumatoid arthritis. Getting diagnosed with RA, almost a year ago, was pretty harsh news. At 24 years old, I thought my life was over.

but then, another bomb dropped.

lupus.

i have lupus. Before the numb fingers and toes, swollen achey joints, hair loss, fevers, and random rashes, I had absolutely no idea what lupus was. And now almost a year later, I feel like I've barely touched the surface of how deep this disease goes.

lupus is an autoimmune disease. It's not an STD, it's not contagious, and it's technically not going to kill me. Unlike some acquired diseases, lupus is essentially an overactive immune system. My body thinks that my tissues and organs are foreign bodies, and so it attacks them and damages them beyond repair. If anything, my immune system is an over-achiever in self-defense. A for effort, I guess.

my immune system cannot decipher between the good and bad. There's no difference between the flu, and my healthy working kidneys. To my immune system, my joints are the same as the common head cold. According to my body, my 20/20 vision is just as bad as strep throat. Every living bodily cell is bad when you have lupus.

the medications and doctors visits are endless. To date, I'm on 10 daily, maintenance medications. Twice a day. On average, I see three specialists a month (with the increased insurance copay). When I'm flaring up, you can usually throw in some Prednisone or steroid titration packs into the mix, just to get me over the hump. This doesn't include the vitamins, minerals, and other supplements I take. This last week I've been living with walking-pneumonia, bronchitis, and a sinus infection. That's 3 more medications I have to take, just to manage the annual seasonal yuck.

the planning is just as endless, too. I've had to learn to "plan for the unexpected". That fun day trip to the theme-park? Not gonna happen. The weeklong beach vacation with the boyfriend? I'll  be in bed half the time. That midterm? Hope I can make it up. Even just the process of daily living is too hard, sometimes.

you never know what you have until it's gone. Not just prolific lyrics or poetry lines.

after my chest x-rays and exams this week, I came home to my mom, who was eagerly awaiting what the doctors had to say. I turned the kettle on, pulled out some tea, and told her their prognosis.

and then i sobbed. I cried; hard, hot, intense, angry. I bawled. It was the kind of gasping cry; the kind that only comes out, deep down from the depths of your heart, from pure defeat and frustration.

"i can't remember the last time i wasn't sick," i told her. 

for the last year I've spent no more than 6 weeks without a flare up of my lupus, RA, or experiencing the common bug everyone's bound to catch. Yes, some of my flare ups are stress related. And yes, I can control some of my stress. But until you experience the stress you get from stressing about your illness, it's hard to give any sort of guidance or reprieve.

so don't tell me to relax and try to de-stress myself, because Lord knows I'm trying. Don't ask me about my protein. I can promise you I'm getting enough of it.Don't ask me if I'm taking my multi-vitamin, and insinuate that I'm under-nourishing myself.  Don't tell me it could be worse, when I am fully aware of the blessings I do have. And most importantly...

don't cry for me. I am the only one who gets to cry, because this is my life and my experience. . You can cry for me when I'm gone. I don't need tears. When I'm down in my deepest depths of pain, resentment, and frustration, the only thing I need is support.

so support me when i'm my at my worst. 

tell me i'm much stronger than i ever thought i could would be. Tell me I'm beautiful when my hair is falling out and I'm too weak to care for myself. Tell me some good news, when everything I've heard that day is everything less than bleak. Tell me I'm still mildly brilliant, when my lupus fog has clouded my brain so much that I can't articulate my thoughts and feelings.

tell me you love me, when I least deserve it. 

because your support and strength is the only thing i can count on. 

lupus research is in it's infancy. There are a few trials currently being conducted, in order to mange the disease. The key word is manage. The general consensus is that lupus is genetic; and being adopted only complicates the process. I'm open to any thoughts, ideas, or recommendations because... This is my life on the line. Again, lupus won't kill me. It'll probably be pneumonia, the flu, or something of the sort. But I'll be sticking around for the long term. Because as my mom once said...

"If you don't keep moving forward, then what's the point?"

a million thanks, and even more love. 

xoxo,

adrienne. 

RA and ABP.

my name is adrienne. and I have rheumatoid arthritis. 

over the last 8 months I've been struggling with constant pain in most of my joints. In hindsight, I've made the slow progression through levels of pain for the last 18 months, but the intensity peaked in August of 2015. The pain started in my pinkies in the fall/winter of 2014. At first I thought it was from constant txting (could be), and then I thought it was because of the constant cold (probably). The pain would come on early in the morning and late in the evening, so it wasn't enough to notice... in the beginning.

as the months progressed, and the weather warmed, my joint pain gradually increased. I was running around constantly with work, traveling with friends, and training for another half marathon. Again, I contributed the pinky pain to txting and being on the go. But then I started having pain in my toes. Somewhat naively, I thought I kept spraining my big toes in yoga (which I've totally done, multiple times). I thought my other toes ached from the 30-40mile training I was doing weekly. It didn't faze me for a while.

that was until the swelling set in. Towards the end of July and early part of August, my hands had ballooned. My finger pain had spread to all of my digitals, and the pain in my toes spread to my feet and ankles. But the swelling was the worst. My size 8.5 Asics were so tight that my circulation was being cut off. It too was painful to type on the key board. I couldn't wear any rings or watches. Opening jars and turning round door handles was almost impossible. Dicing and mincing veggies and herbs was out of the question. I broke 3 glasses in one week.

the pain, swelling, and inability to manage simple daily tasks wasn't what brought me into the doctor's office. It was my asthma. I was diagnosed with asthma when I was 14; up until that point I had had 5 years of controlled asthma under my belt, with the latter 2 living without the need for a daily corticosteroidal inhaler. All of a sudden, though, I couldn't breath. I was waking myself up wheezing and coughing every night, and couldn't run a half mile without needing my rescue inhaler. So straight to the pulmonologist I went. After explaining my breathing issues, and the physical exam, my physician asked me if I had any other aches and pains that needed to be addressed. I told him about my joint pain and swelling, and he ordered some blood work. Thank goodness he did.

about 5 days later, my doctor calls. He said my rheumatoid factor was double what it should be... for a 50 year old. He sent off my labs to my GP, who referred me to a rheumatologist.

after seeing the rheumatologist, and doing more blood work and x-rays, I finally had a concrete diagnosis. Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA for short). As soon as I was diagnosed, I was immediately started on RA protocol.

having a tangible, albeit unexpected, diagnosis to my months pain made me feel exponentially better. But I'd be lying to say I'm alright.

it sucks. It really sucks. Having RA at 25 years old, is almost soul crushing. I haven't been able to do so many of the things I love to do: run, bike, practice yoga, knit, ski, blog. These things that I love, my favorite things, make up so much of who I am. Not being able to do them has made me feel like I've lost so much of my identity. All because of this disease. I never know how I will feel, day to day. On my best days, I have deep but dampened pain in my fingers and toes. On my worst days, getting out of bed is too much.

seeing the glass half full is a constant struggle. RA is not a death sentence; it is not cancer, it is not paralyzing, it is not world-ending but... Being optimistic sometimes feels impossible. I'm my toughest critic and my biggest hater, so staying positive is a constant battle between my self, my reality, and acknowledging any silver lining.

the struggle has been real.

but there are so many things to be grateful and thankful for. 

first, my friends. They have let me whine, cry, scream, and yell my frustrations about my situation and diagnosis way past being blue in the face. They have called me from Florida, txted me from Chicago, wrote me from New Jersey, and visited me from down the street. They've made the time and effort to reach out and make sure I'm okay. I've said it before, but I have the best friends in the world. And for that, I'm thankful.

second, my coworkers. When you work in the medical field, your job is to take care of your patients. Never did I expect to be taken care of by my coworkers. Every day the techs, nurses, clinicians, and physicians check in on me to see how I'm doing. They always ask how I'm feeling, if I need help, and how they can help. If I can't lift a patient on my own, they're always there to help bear the weight. If I'm exhausted and feeling down, they're always there with a cup of tea and encouraging words. Having such a loving and caring work family makes all the difference when you're aching to the core. And for that, I'm grateful. 

third, and most importantly, my family. The amount of work my parents have put in to finding answers, accommodating, and encouraging me is insurmountable. They help in any and all ways they can; driving me to doctors appointments, making my bed in the morning, packing lunches, bringing me water to take my meds, giving me a little bit of extra love when I need it. Being a parent is the hardest job in the entire world, so the fact that they have gone over and beyond their basic duties is something I will forever be indebted to them for. And for that, I'm thankful.

the last year has been one of the hardest of my life. It has been full of pain, frustration, and questioning. It's bent my faith, and dulled my self-esteem.

but it hasn't broken me. I am far from broken.

my experience with rheumatoid arthritis has changed me. 

rheumatoid arthritis has made me patient.

rheumatoid arthritis has made me resilient.

rheumatoid arthritis has made me stronger than I ever could have been. 


and for that, I'm grateful. 


xoxo,

adrienne. 

january run+workout.

january run+workout playlist; 1 hour, 28 minutes.

happy new year everyone!


after a few months of not being able to do much of anything besides work and rest, I'm finally back at it.


and as so many of us commit to a "new year, new me" i thought I'd start off the resolutions right...


with the very first run+workout playlist of 2016!



as always, there's a little bit of everything for everyone. Hope you enjoy!

january run+workout.

1. cake by the ocean, DNCE
2. flux, Bloc Party
3. power, Kanye West
4. you, Galantis
5. as long as you love me, Justin Bieber
6. something big, Shawn Mendes
7. me & my girls, Fifth Harmony
8. something in the way you move, Ellie Goulding
9. send it up, Kanye West
10. sorry, Justin Bieber
11. tied up, Casey Veggies
12. try me, Jason Derulo
13. transmission, Zedd
14. love you right, Matoma
15. a sky full of stars, Coldplay
16. levels, Nick Jonas
17. roses, The Chainsmokers
18. same old love, Selena Gomez
19. love myself, Hailee Seinfeld
20. the fix, Nelly
21. waiting for you, Demi Lovato
22. magnets, Disclosure
23. pay my rent, DNCE
24. keep on dancin', Ellie Goulding
25. 679, Fetty Wap

january run+workout. from adrienne.porter1 on 8tracks Radio.

kayla itsine & a new routine.

recently i've been going through some health issues. And it's barred me from working out for the last 2.5 months.

it's really starting to get to me. Working out is very cathartic for me; it's my release, my therapy, my me-time. Not being able to work out is hard, but not being able to run is brutal.

i'm not as strong as I used to be. Physically and mentally. And I'm not ok with that.

luckily, things are changing. The meds I'm on are slowing and blunting the negatives, and I'm finally starting to feel myself again and feeling positive. So upwards and onwards!

and on to new things! I've been searching for a different workout regimen that will give me a little more of a challenge, and all everyone can talk about is this BBG.

that's the Bikini Body Guide, to all of us out of the know! It was designed by this awesome Aussie trainer Kayla Itsines. She designed the programs specifically for the female body and all of our trouble zones: bum, tum, and legs.

source: kayla itsines.

after stalking her and her cult following on insta, i've been blown away by all of the BBG users' journeys and progress. Unlike a lot of the workouts and lifestyles out there, Kayla's breeds lean and healthy results. Check out the #bbg hashtag here!

source: kayla itsines.

so far, I'm sold!!! 

have any of you tried it? What are your thoughts?!

stay tuned, lovelies! 

xo, 

adrienne. 

sometimes things don't go your way.

... and when they don't, it's hard not to feel defeated. 

what's worse than that: when these things are completely outside of your control. Having control over our bodies, our actions, and our environments gives us peace; knowing the general outcome of events allots us predictability. And predictability breeds comfort.

losing that peace and warmth, though, will rock you to your core. Especially when you know you've done everything right, up to this very moment, in order to prevent something like this from happening.

but you find yourself in this free fall where, just like the Rabbit Hole, you don't know where or when you'll land. All you know is you are not where you are supposed to be, not where you ever thought you would be in your wildest dreams.

and then you hit the bottom. Just like an actual fall, you get hit with the heaviness that you know is coming but is still shocking, nonetheless. You stay there for a moment, allowing the impact to register. And that's when you feel everything shatter.

it starts as one tiny fraying sliver of yourself, but before you know it, you're in a million pieces. Some pieces are bigger than others, but you fear never being able to find those small but significant fragments again.

you see these pieces lying shattered and sprawled out in front of you. And with all of the predictability, control, and love of self... you still don't know where to begin.

or how to begin.

or when to begin. 

but you know you have to. You have to pick up the shards of you, all of them, and put yourself together again. Unlike the nursery rhyme, though, you don't have all the kings horses nor all the kings men to come to your aid and swiftly put you back together again.

you do, however, have purpose. Because there's no way the universe would hit you with such damaging offense without a reason.

and that reason is to share your story. 

by sharing your story, you are sharing your strength.

you are sharing all of the big pieces of yourself that make you who you are.

you are sharing the strain you endured through your journey of not knowing if you're putting the correct pieces in the right places.

you're sharing the energy you had to put out in the face of possible defeat.

you're sharing the scars you'll bare, but will eventually heal all by yourself.

you're sharing the faith you have that those tiny shards of yourself you lost will be replaced by even stronger, smarter, and significant ones.

you're sharing who you truly are. And after fighting this battle, who you actually are now is a hundred times better than who you used to be.

because you are a survivor. 

10 tips for new runners.

my love for running is no secret. I love the way it makes me feel, and what it does for my heart and body. Rain, snow, or gale force winds won't stop me. I wish I could do it all the time but alas Usain Bolt I am not. 

being a runner, I remember what it's like to start out. Not knowing if I was running the proper way, worrying about running too slow, getting lapped by people 3 times my age.... It was rough and it can be intimidating, but hopefully these tips will help!

1. invest in a really good running shoe. This is probably the most important thing for runners of all levels. A good pair of trainers is what's going to prevent you from potential sprains, pulled muscles, and limit shinsplints. Asics are my favorite, but there are plenty of different brands out there. Go to a running store, and have them assess your gait and pronation. They'll be able to find you a shoe that fits your needs. Also, if you mention you're a first-time runner, a lot of stores will give you a discount. FTW. 
   
2. same thing goes for socks. I used to think my socks didn't make a difference, but once you switch to athletic, or even more specifically, running socks, you'll never go back.
3. heartburn is definitely a thing. Especially for us morning runners. All of the movement jostles all of our insides, and the acid producers go into overdrive. Get out ahead of the heart burn, and take an acid reducer before you head out on your run. If you have a history of chronic acid reflux like me, take a once daily OTC medication. 
4. runners' trots are too. This varies from person to person, but again all of that jostling of the digestive system tends to get things flowing whether you like it or not. 
5. hydration is a lifestyle. This is a constant and continuous thing. I usually drink about 80oz of water a day. Do I have to pee every 15 minutes? Yes. But for me, being properly hydrated is the difference between barely being able to break 3miles and running 5miles without stopping. 
   
6. always run with music. It'll pump you up, help you pace out, and limit your boredom. If you have a good playlist, you'll be unstoppable. 
7. but practice safety first. If you're running with music, run with one ear in and the other (closest to the road) out. If you'll be on the road, always run AGAINST traffic; it's easier to dodge a car that you can see coming than it is to dodge one you can't see. Always carry your phone and identifying information, including health info. Tell someone where you're running, and which route you'll be taking. Simple, yet important. 
   
8. get your run in in the morning. I know, who actually wants to get up an hour before they have to... besides me lol. Getting it out of the way before you do aaaaaanything else limits the potential to make excuses as the day progresses. For me, morning runs aren't typically my fastest ones. But if I do it in the morning, I'm more likely to actually get my miles in for the day. 

   

   one of the many perks of running outdoors. 

9. develop a mantra. It can be anything. Mine usually is "I am strong, I am capable, I will succeed." This will help you get through the tough hills and speed training. I repeat mine over and over until I develop a rhythm between the words, my breathing, and my gait. 
10. sign up for races and run with friends. Races = goals . Friends = motivators. And both make for a good time!

    

    next race on tap: 2015 Detroit Free Press International Half Marathon.

no matter what, you should feel amazing for getting out there and doing something that's good for your mind, body, and spirit. Stick with it, and I know you'll fall in love with it. 

run on, lovelies.

xo,

adrienne. 

june run+workout playlist.

i haven't had to turn on the heat, i've cranked up the air, and i've been cruising with my windows down... Summer is upon us people!

here's a nice long june run+workout playlist for you.

as per usual, there's a little something for everyone in this one. You may even find a Disney song in there. Wink.

june run+workout playlist

23 songs, 1 hour, 20 minutes.

• i really like you, Carly Rae Jepsen
• somewhere to run, Krewella
• pound the alarm, Nicki Minaj
• crash and burn, Thomas Rhett
• don't it, Billy Currington
• i'll make a man out of you, Mulan
• classic, MKTO
• blame, Calvin Harris
• braveheart, Neon Jungle
• irresistible, Fall Out Boy
• headband, B.o.B
• numb/encore, Jay Z & Linkin Park
• shotgun, Yellow Claw
• hey mama, David Guetta
• where are ü now, Skrillex & Diplo
• somebody to you, The Vamps
• shut up and dance, WALK THE MOON
• this summer's gonna hurt like a mother fucker, Maroon 5
• bad blood (feat. kendrick lamar), Taylor Swift
• beautiful now, Zedd
• kick the dust up, Luke Bryan
• wake me up, Avicii

and as per usual, here's the 8tracks link to the playlist!

xo,

adrienne.

let's be realistic: 7th and 8th week of change.

hi, long time no talk! I know it has been a minute since my last post, but it's been crazy busy around these parts!

to be honest, i didn't want to write over the last two weeks. I had been in such a negative, dark place that I was worried it wasn't ever going to brighten up. Negativity can be incredibly insidious; it spreads like an infection, and can be chronic like a disease.

and that's not something I wanted to share.

luckily, i'm on a come up. I got to take some time off, go on a vacation, and hang out with my absolute best friend in the entire world. Before jetting off, everyone kept telling me how much I 'need this'. I didn't realize it at the time, but everyone was right. 100%. Without doubt or question. I needed it.

i wanted to keep this post short and sweet. Because of the funk I was in, I needed not to focus on my physical gains but more on my mental ones. You have to want and strive to be not even good, but okay. Being okay is manageable. Being okay is doable. Being okay is, bare minimum, what we need. And sometimes, that's the hardest thing you'll do.

so instead of discussing what I ate, how far I ran, or what muscles/weight I've gained/lost... I'll just leave you with some pictures.

enjoy!

xo,

adrienne.

let's be realistic: 6th week of change.

finally, finally, spring is officially here in michigan. We haven't seen snow in about 2 weeks, and it was consistently sunny and warm over this past week. Praise the lord, hallelujah.

and with this weather comes with many positives, and a few negatives. Let's get the good out of the way: warm weather = long runs outside, and late nights around the bon fire.

now for the negatives: everything is covered in pollen, and me and pollen don't mix. I was one of those kids who never really got sick or had allergies when I was little. By the time I turned 14, though, I spent about 3 years in and out of doctors' offices and hospital rooms. My allergies kicked in when I was about 15, and they were off the charts. My body rejects most things foreign: all trees (except palm trees), all weeds, most grasses, soy, apples, pears, gluten, hops, cats, and many hearty herbs and flowers. On top of all that, I also have asthma.

so now with every plant/tree coming out of hibernation, my allergies and asthma have been off the charts. My life over the past 10 days has consisted of antihistamines, albuterol, and steroids.

my life, currently.

luckily, though, at 24 years of age I have a system figured out for this time of year. Clean, allergen-free eating; specifically timed medications; closed windows at night; no booze (except a glass of pinot noir, occassionally); and constant showering and laundry to get the pollen off my body. It's annoying, but not that bad and totally do-able! Even better, with this system of pills and treatments, I don't have to sacrifice my running!

pinot noir + popcorn on a saturday night. just call me olivia pope.

i've logged about 26 miles over the last week. I've run more than that weekly before, but I'm still so happy that I'm getting back into my running shape of seasons past. I managed to throw in  6, 7, and 8 mile runs over the weekend and I'm feeling amazing.

still running slow, but I'm finally back in the #25miles a week club.

those miles traveled have helped me clear my mind on a few things. Lately, I've felt like I've been putting in so much energy into my relationships. I feel like I've been clear with my needs and intentions, but I'm not receiving much in return.

and that sucks. 

i've been trying to focus on treating people the way I want to be treated, and making sure I give a little extra to my friendships. I've been focused on this for about 5 months now, but I feel like it hasn't been reciprocated. These solo miles I've put in on the pavement have helped me clear my mind and settle my thoughts on it: just because this effort hasn't been given back now, doesn't mean I'm completely off the good-karma train.

running, as i've said countless times before, makes me so much more level-headed. Things are clearer, I'm calmer, and it puts me in a much better place. If you haven't jumped on my run-wagon, you're missing out!

besides running, coloring books is my therapy. 

anyway, here's my week in review:

wet hair, baby abs poking through, and a messy room. sue me. 

fitness: 26ish miles ran, and some at home yoga #ftw
food: with my allergies in full swing, I've been doing pretty well. Recipes to come!
weight: I honestly haven't been keeping track, whoops ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

cold brew + hemp milk = caffeine and 27g of protein! if you live in southeastern michigan, stop by DROUGHT. it's currently my new raw obsession. 

that's it! Not much more, not much less.

spring on, sprouts!

xo,

adrienne.

lets be realistic: second week of change.

this past week has been all over the place. But really, ALL OVER THE PLACE. Between work (8am to 7pm most days), celebrating my Grandfather's 88th birthday, celebrating my friend Nicole's birthday, and meeting up with friends/spending the day in Ann Arbor I'm surprised I found time to just exist as myself.

lavendar-hazelnut latte from Eli's Tea Room. It was heaven. Also, ootd.  

the essence of this past week has been: GREAT FOOD. A Lavender-Hazelnut latte from Eli's Tea Room in Birmingham gave me life. 

88 years young, and still as handsome as ever.

Steak and birthday cake at Mitchell's Fish Market for my Grandad's special day.

honest moment: don't remember what I ordered at Ronin, but it was daaaaaayum good.

Delectable sushi with my handsome man candy at Ronin in Royal Oak. 

lettuce falafel wraps, and $5 fries for 8 people (even though there were only 2 of us) at Social in Birmingham.

Comforting falafel and mountainous fries with a bestie at Social in Birmingham, too. 

sun dried tomatoes, goat cheese, chicken, pasta. *stops typing to wipe drool from her mouth*

The chicken fusilli, an oldie and definitely a goodie, at Sava's in Ann Arbor made me reminiscent of the good old college years.  

paradise in a glass: State Street Iced Tea from Sava's in Ann Arbor.

Oh, and there was a cocktail in A2 too. 

breakfast for the day He had risen, and the day i stayed in bed until 10 am. 

and of course, Easter brunch in bed, brought to you by chef mama porter.

i told you it was a good week for food. One of my favorites as of late. But, as I said before, I am so amazed that I found time to take out for myself. I carved a few minutes/hours here and there, to get back to basics. Though my pallet was all over the place, my running was my one rock of the week.

it's so incredibly important to find your rock in life. And I don't mean a person; people can be fleeting, unlike, well, an actual rock. This rock gives you stability, an escape, and a bare-minimum purpose.

my rock is running. Over this past winter, I didn't make much consistent time to run as I would have liked (you live and you learn). Recently, though, I've made a conscious choice to make running my rock again. I've said this before, but running is the one thing that truly makes me feel human. It's natural, and it's good: Good for my body, good for my mind, good for my heart.

so now it's my second week of realistic change, I feel like I'm on the cusp of a habit. Running is my rock, and it's on it's way to being habitual again. Again, I didn't change what I've been eating. I did, however, change my mindset about how I've been eating. I'm just trying to be a bit more present and conscious about how/what I consume. Fairly simple in theory, slightly harder in practice.

here's my week in review:

weight:

• down 1lb... which is probably from me exhaling when the scale calculated, tbh. 

food:

• a bit better, but there were 5 bars, 2 birthdays, and one OPENING DAY so... sue me. 

physical activity:

• ran 14.39 miles

overall, I feel pretty good. Like I said,  I feel like I'm on the verge of starting something pretty good. All I have to is keep moving forward.

keeping swimming, my little fishies.

xo,

adrienne. 

let's be realistic: one week of change.

wanna lose 10 pounds in 1 week? Um, duh. Want to shed 20+ inches in 7 days? Without a doubt! Want to become a top model, coveted by top magazines, designers, and photogs? SIGN. ME. UP. Just let me do all that riding my unicorn, with $1billion in my pocket, dating Oscar winning Leonardo DiCaprio.

let's be realistic people. 

if you're like me and are a normal job juggling, tax paying, pleasure succumbing person, non of the above is realistic. In my last post, I declared that I am 'losing the wait.' I'm giving up the negative self-doubting and self-questioning, and picking up positive, balanced thinking, and healthy habits.

and realistically speaking, I wanted to share (amongst many, many other things) my health-centric journey with you. This isn't about losing weight (I'm well within my BMI), but it's about getting healthy, physically and mentally. It's about being the very best version of myself: healthy, honest, and strong, without denying myself the wonderful pleasures of this world (I'm looking at you, Pinot Noir).

so here is my journey of change, week one. I made sure to only change one thing in my routine: physical activity. Having coming out of the down season, and taking 3 weeks off from running due to injury (right foot, left knee, hips), I wasn't quite in my best running shape. But I laced up, stretched out, and pounded that frosted Michigan pavement.

i didn't change anything I ate. Don't get me wrong: there was salmon, smoothies, and salads. But there was also McDonalds, bagels/schmear, and a trip to Dunkin Donuts. What? I'm being honest, here!

it's been one week since I started my journey, so here's my week in review:

left: monday 23rd march 2015, right: monday 30th march 2015

physical activity: 

• ran 7.23 miles, over 2 days
• completed 1 fifteen-minute Nike Training ab workout

food:

• not my best. Can I just live?!

weight:

• starting weight: hahahahahahaha... nice try.
• current weight: down 5lbs. mostly water/margarita weight.

left: monday 23rd march 2015, with the newspaper to prove it. center: monday 30th march 2015. top: first week. bottom: newspaper of first week. 

i'm not going to lie: i actually feel a little better. Maybe it's physiological, but it's probably just psychological. Sharing this with everyone, and just having a plan has given me that nudge to get it right and get it tight.

live on, everyone!

xo,

adrienne. 

losing the wait.

alright, it's time for me to be honest. I have struggled with my body image for the majority of my life; but what girl hasn't?

i've always found it hard to strike the balance between too-skinny and screw-it-i'll-eat-whatever-the-eff-Iwant. Sadly, that's how my personality is: all or nothing. I get fixated and focussed on an extreme and, being really self-motivated to prove myself right and others wrong, I go waaaay beyond the goal I set. Or I give up because of my self-doubt; I binge on Netflix and self-loathing, and top it off with a tub of Nutella. I'll admit it: it's not very healthy.

luckily, i know this part of my personality. Kinda like the whole acceptance part of the 5 Stages of Grief, except without the denial, sad, angry part before hand. I know that finding balance is a hard thing to attain, and it's also one that can be hard to maintain once you do stumble upon it. But I'm reworking my thinking.

i'm losing the wait.

I'm dropping the inner 'wait' monologue. I'm abandoning my self doubt. I'm finished battling the 'wait, can I do this?'. I'm finished asking myself 'wait, is this worth it?' I'm finished with, 'wait, am I even worth it?.'  I'm done. I'm done. I'm done.

i'm losing the wait.

so this is me walking away. I'm turning my back on doubting who I am, what I'm capable of, and where I'm going in life. I'm losing the wait. The world, but more importantly the internet (we're being honest here, right?), is a huge place that is filled with the inspiration and the support we all need to lose our own wait. Sure, for me this is coming from a place of physical health but it can be mental too. How you mentally see yourself losing your own wait is just as important as physically abandoning it.

i'm committing myself to a new journey; a journey where, day by day and step by step, I'll lose my wait and gain good, wholesome health, physically and mentally. It will be hard some days, and will take plenty of time. All-in-all, though, it'll be worth the wait.

spread the vibes, butterflies.

xo,

adrienne.

the perfect pre-post workout vegan smoothie.

mornings are hard. Like really hard. Even for us morning people. It's hard when even just waking up on time feels like an accomplishment, let alone dragging your derriere to the gym/studio/trail all before you shower, make breakfast, and head to work.

unfortunately, when sleep is in high demand and low supply, I start to cut corners. And those corners are usually with breakfast. I hate feeling hungry, especially after I've gotten my morning workout in (or more probable, before my afternoon run). And I hate feeling tired, even when I got 8+ hours of good solid sleep. But a certain something easy, tasty and fast makes my mornings a smidge easier: my hybrid morning perfect pre-post vegan smoothie.

now it's equal parts smoothie, iced coffee, and protein shake so it tackles all of the bases you'll need to get your day moving in a healthy and whole way. Caffeine fix? Check. Protein quota? Double check. A serving of fruit? Triple check. Now that that's all covered... Try it out!

ingredients:

-8oz chilled double brewed coffee OR 1 serving instant espresso in 8oz of water

-1 scoop vanilla vegan protein powder (Vega Sport is my up most favorite! Vegan, gluten free, dairy free, soy free, 100% amazing). Don't worry, any other protein powder will work. 

-1 tsp. coco powder

-1 large banana

-1.5 cups ice

1. Throw all of the ingredients in your blender, in the order above. The order is important: the weight of the ice and banana helps create a smoother blend. Trust me, I've got your back on this one.

2. Blend until desired consistency. If it's not blending smoothly, feel free to add in a little almond/coconut/rice milk.

3. Pour into your cup, and drink up, butter cup!

as I said, mornings are hard no matter what. Hopefully this little recipe makes them suck just a bit less. Oh, and don't forget to tell me what you think!



veg on, lovelies.

adrienne.

10 reasons to date a fit girl.

... because why would you want to date anyone else?

1. they understand (body) karma. If you put good in, you'll get good out.
2. they know how to greet the day. They put a special focus on the knowledge that how they start their day will help dictate how the rest of their day goes.
   
3. they know how to manage stress. They know that a stressful day of work, a hellish day of school, and a flat tire could easily lead to taking it out on their significant other. They choose not to; they choose go to the gym, go for a run, or take a time out on their yoga mat. 
4. they put their bodies first. Because they know without their healthy and strong body, they wouldn't be able to do anything else.
5. they know how to put in hard work... 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
6. and how good it feels to attain a goal.
   

   

   
   
7. they aren't afraid to try something new. Tough Mudder? Sure. Oceanside bootcamp? Why not. Boyo? Already there. Fit girls are always the first ones to change up their routine. 
8. they know that, sometimes, we have to make sacrifices. Like all romantic relationships, a fit girl's relationship with her body and self comes with challenges. Sometimes it's forgoing an extra hour a sleep, so that they can wake up and make themselves a healthy, colorful lunch. Other times it's saying no to dessert, because today they just cant even with the gym. Regardless, they know that sometimes you have to sacrifice the little things to get to the bigger and better ones. 
9. they know that pain isn't just good, it's important. They know that after a good, hard workout, the pain they'll feel the next day comes from their body doing exactly what it's supposed to do: mend, strengthen, and grow. 
10. they are extraordinarily, unequivocally beautiful. Literally. From the inside, out. 
    

stay healthy. stay fit. stay positive.

xoxo.

adrienne.