it's been a while. i can explain.

it's been about 3 weeks since I last posted anything. Longer than that if you consider anything of substance.

i'm not going to lie: it's been a tough few months.

i feel disappointed. I feel disappointed by the lack of support I have in a lot of areas of my life. My dad, I know, is my biggest supporter and cheerleader in my life and he's gone out of his way to make sure I know/feel his support of me, my life, and my choices. He's gone so far above and beyond to make me feel  important and loved, because he knows that I don't get those feelings from a lot of other people in my life.

i've been experiencing a lot of revelations about life/relationships lately. But I think the hardest realization I've had to come to is that in moments of pure distress, confusion, and pain, the people who we care for the most can be the ones who let us down the hardest.

fighting myself is the hardest battle i've ever had to endure. And right now, I'm storming the beaches of Normandy. Instead of having a strong army behind me, though, I feel like I'm only 1 man strong. I need more than that, unfortunately.

it's a hard place to be. I need so much more support and a little bit more love, but also everyone else in my life is also fighting their own battles so I don't want to ask that of everyone else. I feel like I give and give and give, and try to support all of my friends (when they need it the most, and when they need it the least), but the reciprocation isn't quite there. I don't want to ask for the things that I need, because 1) I'll be labeled as dramatic, 2) I'll be told I'm overreacting, 3) I will be told my feelings are made up 4) my reality is distorted, and most importantly 5) it's wrong for me to ask for it when everyone else is fighting battles of their own.

i feel left out. And unfortunately it's at the 5th grade level: being excluded from fun things, especially those that I love. It's really frustrating when you've been into something for years, and have spent just as much time trying to get your friends/family on board, and then everyone miraculously discovers it and leaves you out of participating in it. Like really? Every time I've asked you if you want to go for a run you give me a long story about how you can't run/hate running/would die/could never keep up/running before 10am is torture/etc. And then you start running consistently, but when I ask if you'd like to sign up for a 5k it's as if I asked you to have your teeth pulled electively. And then you sign yourself up for a different 5k, and don't tell me about it. Oh? Oh really? No, that's totally fine I'm completely cool with that slap in the face.

i understand that you're busy. We're all busy. We all are. But you're really too busy call back? You can't take 10 seconds to shoot a txt? You can't take out an hour of your time to grab lunch, catch up, see how it's going? To hang out with you, I'd move heaven and earth to make it happen.

i feel so unvalued. I feel like my impact on others is so minimal, that it barely registers or makes a difference. It's like I'm not worth their time, and they don't care. What's worse is that I don't even feel devalued. If I felt devalued, it would imply that I had value before. I just feel unvalued. I'm sorry I'm not worth enough to be invited along for a girls' night, to go out to dinner, to have fun at the casinos, or even to get a call to see how I'm doing. I'm sorry.

i'm struggling so much, I can feel myself breaking. I know I should control the controllables and relinquish control for those that I can't. But I have the controllables under control; they aren't what's hurting me. It's the things out of my control that are the most painful. I can't control other people and, unfortunately, I get so much from just being with other people that them not wanting to have me be apart of their life (the good and bad) is devastating.

this isn't a call for attention. That needs to be absolutely, crystal clear. I'm not looking for sympathy, handouts, pity. I'm venting because I'm overwhelmed. I'm drowning. I am so over feeling unvalued, left out, and disappointed, and I have no where else to express my feelings outside of this rarely viewed, blip of a blog in a dark corner of the internet.

i'm tired.

i'm exhausted.

but i'm holding on in hope that things get better. I have this blog, which gives me something to work on while I heal. Please, bare with me. I will have good days. I will have bad days. What's important, though, is that I am lucky enough  and blessed enough to simply have 'days'.

xo,

adrienne.

june run+workout playlist.

i haven't had to turn on the heat, i've cranked up the air, and i've been cruising with my windows down... Summer is upon us people!

here's a nice long june run+workout playlist for you.

as per usual, there's a little something for everyone in this one. You may even find a Disney song in there. Wink.

june run+workout playlist

23 songs, 1 hour, 20 minutes.

• i really like you, Carly Rae Jepsen
• somewhere to run, Krewella
• pound the alarm, Nicki Minaj
• crash and burn, Thomas Rhett
• don't it, Billy Currington
• i'll make a man out of you, Mulan
• classic, MKTO
• blame, Calvin Harris
• braveheart, Neon Jungle
• irresistible, Fall Out Boy
• headband, B.o.B
• numb/encore, Jay Z & Linkin Park
• shotgun, Yellow Claw
• hey mama, David Guetta
• where are ü now, Skrillex & Diplo
• somebody to you, The Vamps
• shut up and dance, WALK THE MOON
• this summer's gonna hurt like a mother fucker, Maroon 5
• bad blood (feat. kendrick lamar), Taylor Swift
• beautiful now, Zedd
• kick the dust up, Luke Bryan
• wake me up, Avicii

and as per usual, here's the 8tracks link to the playlist!

xo,

adrienne.

happy tuesday bluesday!

it's been a long weekend, praise glory hallelujah. So today, Tuesday, has officially turn into Monday: the worst day of the week.

thought we could all use a little pick-me-up. So... what are you waiting for??!

enjoy!

Finally Caught him #Lovemelikeyoudo #kids #elliegoulding https://t.co/Qqo9MHX8yx

— adrienne. (@AdrienneBrooke) May 25, 2015

xo,

adrienne. 

recipe monday: crazy sexy cool green smoothie.

hi yall, hope you're enjoying the last few moments of your long holiday weekend. Don't forget to thank/hug/kiss a veteran today!

where most people are out grilling, boating, or golfing this weekend, I took some much needed tlc and went on a little bit of a food bender. I spent a solid hour and a half grocery shopping last night, and buying up pounds and pounds of fresh fruit and veg.

now that the weather is getting warmer and warmer, I've been on quite the smoothie kick. There's nothing better than peeling off sweaty clothes, jumping into the pool/lake, and then kicking back with a huge cold green smoothie. Am I right, or am I right?

so here's a new one for you:

crazy sexy cool green smoothie. 

this one was inspired by my time in Costa Rica (aka Costa Freeeaakaaa, to some), and my trips to Mexico and Hawaii. 

in CR mangos littered the streets; they actually advise about the hazards of falling mangos. Seriously. 

in Mexico, limes and lime juice are just as much a condiment as salt is. 

and in Hawaii, where it's illegal to pick their largest export without a license, pineapples are an addition to every single meal. 

the green comes from the avocado and your choice of greens. and the crazy sexy coolness comes from whoever is drinking it. wink

i added turmeric and cayenne for their detoxifying and healing powers. If you suffer from any chronic illness, bloating, or other inflammation, look up the positive effects of both these spices.

here's what you need:
1/2 cup water
1/2 a ripe avocado
1 cup diced mango
2 cups diced pineapple
juice from 1/2 lime
1 handful of your favorite greens (I chose kale, which has an earthier, straight from the dirt, taste)
1 pinch cayenne (or more if you need more of a spicy kick)
2 shakes of some good turmeric powder

here's what you do:

1. slice up your avocado. dice up the pineapple and mango. then juice half that gorgeous lime.
2. put all ingredients into your blender in the order above. I've said it before, but the order is important because it makes for easier, smoother blending.
3. blend until smooth.
4. pour into your favorite mason jar, gram a great pic on Insta, and drink away the delicious, crazy, sexy cool goodness. 

drink up, buttercups!

xo,

adrienne. 

let's be realistic: 7th and 8th week of change.

hi, long time no talk! I know it has been a minute since my last post, but it's been crazy busy around these parts!

to be honest, i didn't want to write over the last two weeks. I had been in such a negative, dark place that I was worried it wasn't ever going to brighten up. Negativity can be incredibly insidious; it spreads like an infection, and can be chronic like a disease.

and that's not something I wanted to share.

luckily, i'm on a come up. I got to take some time off, go on a vacation, and hang out with my absolute best friend in the entire world. Before jetting off, everyone kept telling me how much I 'need this'. I didn't realize it at the time, but everyone was right. 100%. Without doubt or question. I needed it.

i wanted to keep this post short and sweet. Because of the funk I was in, I needed not to focus on my physical gains but more on my mental ones. You have to want and strive to be not even good, but okay. Being okay is manageable. Being okay is doable. Being okay is, bare minimum, what we need. And sometimes, that's the hardest thing you'll do.

so instead of discussing what I ate, how far I ran, or what muscles/weight I've gained/lost... I'll just leave you with some pictures.

enjoy!

xo,

adrienne.

dear mom: a letter to the most important woman in my life.

dear mom,

i know that it's a day late, and i know i could have said it in a card but... You are absolutely, unbelievably amazing. You are one of the strongest people I know. You are one of the most brilliant people I know. You are one of the hardest working people I know. And I respect that.

not only do i respect that, but I cherish that. I love that. I believe in that. Because all of "that", amongst your other boundless phenomenal qualities, you have shown me that "that" is what makes you amazing. It is what makes you, you.

your amazing, and endlessly capable qualities have shown me to stand back up. I have lived through (some) of your adversity. I have seen some of your most vulnerable moments. I have seen how you persevere in the most challenging moments of your life... and you have still, without question or scrutiny, have been able to be the best mother in the entire world. I have no idea how you do it but you have shown me to...

stand back up. To get back up when I've been knocked down... By my career, by my friendships, by my relationships, by myself. And,  most importantly, in the face of adversity.

you have taught me to question everything. Everything. To question not only what things are, why they are, and how they are but what I want, but why I want it. 

you have taught me how to forgive. And not just by the rude stranger who cut in front of me in line. But by the people who I love the most. The people who I have the utmost respect and reverence for. Because, as you have shown me, a life of anger and resentment is not a life worth living.

you have taught me how to support others. Especially those who need it most. I have seen you (countless days, weeks, months, years) sitting by your fading parents' sides. Through defeat and success. Holding on to their hands and hearts, and reassuring them, your daughters, and yourself that it is going to be alright.

you have taught me how to accept defeat. You have continued to hold your mother's hand, long after she has succumbed to the reality of Alzheimer's, though you continue to fight against it. And yet again I see you do it, with your father's hand in yours. But you still manage and look forward to visiting with Grandpa, in the last flicker of his life, when I cant, out of fear and naivety, see him and be present in the environment that he must endure. One day, I hope to do half of what you do, for Daddy and yourself. 

you have taught me that life goes on. In the honor and reputation of those incredible relatives who have past. You openheartedly share with me the life, hard work, and dedication of my grandmother, aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins, and great grandparents. And you encourage me to honor their work, and exceed it in their name.

you have shown me what sacrifice truly is. You have shown me how sacrificing some of your life only improves, vastly, upon your child's. You have worked jobs that you probably did not like, and worked longer and harder at than you needed to, solely so that I could experience some of the things you didn't when you were my age.

lastly...

most importantly...

you have showed me how to love. How to love unyieldingly, unapologetically, and without regret. You have said no to me when I wanted, deeply, to hear yes. You have said yes to me when, perhaps, it was in my best judgement to hear no, all for the sake of a dream. You have showed me that chasing your dreams is the best love you can ever give yourself. You have proven to me, through action and word, that you can and will love someone regardless if you've given birth to them or not. You have shown me that love, true love, can never be negative and can only make you the best person you can ever dream to be.

you are my rock.

you are my soul.

you are my purpose.

and most importantly, I hope and pray every day that I can be half the mom to my kids that you have been to me.

happy mothers day.

love always,

adrienne. 

let's be realistic: 6th week of change.

finally, finally, spring is officially here in michigan. We haven't seen snow in about 2 weeks, and it was consistently sunny and warm over this past week. Praise the lord, hallelujah.

and with this weather comes with many positives, and a few negatives. Let's get the good out of the way: warm weather = long runs outside, and late nights around the bon fire.

now for the negatives: everything is covered in pollen, and me and pollen don't mix. I was one of those kids who never really got sick or had allergies when I was little. By the time I turned 14, though, I spent about 3 years in and out of doctors' offices and hospital rooms. My allergies kicked in when I was about 15, and they were off the charts. My body rejects most things foreign: all trees (except palm trees), all weeds, most grasses, soy, apples, pears, gluten, hops, cats, and many hearty herbs and flowers. On top of all that, I also have asthma.

so now with every plant/tree coming out of hibernation, my allergies and asthma have been off the charts. My life over the past 10 days has consisted of antihistamines, albuterol, and steroids.

my life, currently.

luckily, though, at 24 years of age I have a system figured out for this time of year. Clean, allergen-free eating; specifically timed medications; closed windows at night; no booze (except a glass of pinot noir, occassionally); and constant showering and laundry to get the pollen off my body. It's annoying, but not that bad and totally do-able! Even better, with this system of pills and treatments, I don't have to sacrifice my running!

pinot noir + popcorn on a saturday night. just call me olivia pope.

i've logged about 26 miles over the last week. I've run more than that weekly before, but I'm still so happy that I'm getting back into my running shape of seasons past. I managed to throw in  6, 7, and 8 mile runs over the weekend and I'm feeling amazing.

still running slow, but I'm finally back in the #25miles a week club.

those miles traveled have helped me clear my mind on a few things. Lately, I've felt like I've been putting in so much energy into my relationships. I feel like I've been clear with my needs and intentions, but I'm not receiving much in return.

and that sucks. 

i've been trying to focus on treating people the way I want to be treated, and making sure I give a little extra to my friendships. I've been focused on this for about 5 months now, but I feel like it hasn't been reciprocated. These solo miles I've put in on the pavement have helped me clear my mind and settle my thoughts on it: just because this effort hasn't been given back now, doesn't mean I'm completely off the good-karma train.

running, as i've said countless times before, makes me so much more level-headed. Things are clearer, I'm calmer, and it puts me in a much better place. If you haven't jumped on my run-wagon, you're missing out!

besides running, coloring books is my therapy. 

anyway, here's my week in review:

wet hair, baby abs poking through, and a messy room. sue me. 

fitness: 26ish miles ran, and some at home yoga #ftw
food: with my allergies in full swing, I've been doing pretty well. Recipes to come!
weight: I honestly haven't been keeping track, whoops ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

cold brew + hemp milk = caffeine and 27g of protein! if you live in southeastern michigan, stop by DROUGHT. it's currently my new raw obsession. 

that's it! Not much more, not much less.

spring on, sprouts!

xo,

adrienne.