... and when they don't, it's hard not to feel defeated.
what's worse than that: when these things are completely outside of your control. Having control over our bodies, our actions, and our environments gives us peace; knowing the general outcome of events allots us predictability. And predictability breeds comfort.
losing that peace and warmth, though, will rock you to your core. Especially when you know you've done everything right, up to this very moment, in order to prevent something like this from happening.
but you find yourself in this free fall where, just like the Rabbit Hole, you don't know where or when you'll land. All you know is you are not where you are supposed to be, not where you ever thought you would be in your wildest dreams.
and then you hit the bottom. Just like an actual fall, you get hit with the heaviness that you know is coming but is still shocking, nonetheless. You stay there for a moment, allowing the impact to register. And that's when you feel everything shatter.
it starts as one tiny fraying sliver of yourself, but before you know it, you're in a million pieces. Some pieces are bigger than others, but you fear never being able to find those small but significant fragments again.
you see these pieces lying shattered and sprawled out in front of you. And with all of the predictability, control, and love of self... you still don't know where to begin.
or how to begin.
or when to begin.
but you know you have to. You have to pick up the shards of you, all of them, and put yourself together again. Unlike the nursery rhyme, though, you don't have all the kings horses nor all the kings men to come to your aid and swiftly put you back together again.
you do, however, have purpose. Because there's no way the universe would hit you with such damaging offense without a reason.
and that reason is to share your story.
by sharing your story, you are sharing your strength.
you are sharing all of the big pieces of yourself that make you who you are.
you are sharing the strain you endured through your journey of not knowing if you're putting the correct pieces in the right places.
you're sharing the energy you had to put out in the face of possible defeat.
you're sharing the scars you'll bare, but will eventually heal all by yourself.
you're sharing the faith you have that those tiny shards of yourself you lost will be replaced by even stronger, smarter, and significant ones.
you're sharing who you truly are. And after fighting this battle, who you actually are now is a hundred times better than who you used to be.
because you are a survivor.